Talk to an Angel

I really want to talk to my Mama today. I really need to talk to my Mama today. I want to pick up the phone and dial her number and have her answer in her sleepy nap after lunch voice and say, " What is wrong sweetheart?" 
So I can say, "Nothing."
And she will say, "No, I hear it in your voice."  She could always hear it in my voice. 
Then she would always say, "Tell me all about it....but first I have to go potty."

That would make me laugh and suddenly my problems would seem less urgent and by the time she got back to the phone I would be able to talk without crying and we would figure out the solution to anything in the world. But I can't call my Mama any more.

I have her with me now. She is in the china closet in a hand-blown perfume bottle, at least part of her ashes are. I sprayed them with the perfume she always wore, White Linen by Estee Lauder. Sometimes I take the bottle, pull out the stopper and inhale what used to be my mother. The bottle stands in front of a picture of her. I don't normally have personal pictures in my living area but I am comforted having her there watching me eat my breakfast.

It isn't as if my mother died yesterday or even last week or month.  She died on 13 March 2014. We had her service on 7 April 2014, the day between my brother Don's 69th birthday and my parents' 63rd wedding anniversary. Although she had been suffering from vascular dementia and diabetes for about 5 years, she was still a vibrant and loving member of our family. She had gradually lost the ability to read, cook, drive, figure, and keep house. The good thing is that my father did such a good job with everything that she thought she was still keeping house. My Papa would do anything for her. Theirs was such a true love that when she would have a potty accident, he would think it was "cute." Her actual death is still too raw to write about.  I thought I could but I can't nearly a year later.

So much has happened in that time. My divorce finally came through and although the financial details are still being settled, at least I am free and know where I stand emotionally. I am worth more than being second best, especially after giving up so much to move around all those years as an Army Wife. By the time it was final we had been married 34 years. Even with my mother's death, I still figured the taxes last year. Good wife to the end, eh?

My son has been out of work because of the sequestration and other reason's I don't understand. I worry about him and his marriage and his life and his relationship........you just don't want to know.

I have tried the dating game....as much as you can when your life is in  divorce limbo. I have met a couple of nice men and some not so nice men. Actually, if I could combine about 3 of the ones I have met into one man I would be golden. Alas, that is not possible so I am back on eHarmony and I hate, hate, hate it. I pray to God every night for someone I can just talk to and be companionable with.  Is that asking too much?

What would you say, Mama? That's just it.  I don't know.  Until the last time I talked to her, my mother always surprised me with her wit, wisdom, and love. It is like all the love has gone out of the world and I don't know what to do.

I killed my bird today

I woke up this morning to my bird frantically scrambling around the back of the cage trying to get my attention.  As I tried to will myself into consciousness, I idly wondered if I had given Franny and Zooey water yesterday. Yesterday had been a lost day for me.  My hip had been hurting and it had been a rainy day so I had lolled in bed for most of the day dozing and watching "Bones" and "Bar Rescue." During the day Missy Lu and Moonbeam had snuggled with me in the damp cold. I remember laughing at the birds jumping up and over their top perch over and over, chirping all the while. I should have gotten up at that point to water and feed them but I just burrowed deeper into the pillows and closed my eyes to better listen to them sing. 

Sometime around 5 I pulled myself out of bed to prepare for the coop monthly board meeting and to feed the animals.  The problem was I forgot to water and feed the birds. I got home from my meeting after 10 exhausted and went right back to bed.  Being the terrible parent I am, I again forgot to feed my birds or turn on their heating lamp.  I did watch the recording of "Dancing with the Stars" and "Bletchley Park." During "Bletchley Park" I kept hearing birds singing when people were inside.  I have this new Bose sound system and I thought,  "Wow, this is really good. They captured bird sounds from the grounds." Now I know it was the death song of my poor Zooey. All I had to do was get up off that bed and go look and I might have saved him.

This morning when I did finally get out of the bed and walk across those few feet to the desperate fluttering of Franny, I found a dry water dish, no food, no warming light and Zooey curled up on his side on the bottom of the cage in a nest of grass.  He was still warm when I picked him up. His eyes were opaque and his beak tightly shut so even as I tried to give him water and stoke him back to life he was too far gone to receive help.

 I had filled the water and seed cups before trying to revive Zooey so all the time I was working on him, Franny was devouring food and drinking silently. In fact, even now, hours later, she has not made a sound. She just sits there looking at me accusingly. I can't stand it. She is sitting up there under his body in its shroud rocking back and forth wondering what to do.  I am going to have to find her a mate to help her....

It is now hours later and I have found a bronze wing mannikin song site and played them for her. She really responded to two of them.  I am now going to try to link to the two she liked.

http://www.xeno-canto.org/species/Lonchura-cucullata?&view=3

XC120623

XC116734

She responded to the first with answers and movement and the second by going down and drinking and eating.  Maybe if I can't find her another mate I can play the songs to remind her to eat and drink.  Franny has never been the smartest bulb in the chandelier.  It once took us 8 hours to get her back in the cage because she couldn't figure how to fly back in even though Zooey was coaching her the whole time. 

What is a Bronze Winged Mannikin (Lonchura cucullata) you might ask?  It is a small finch found in the middle to the southern African continent. I bought them because they were the cheapest birds at Petsmart.  It seems as though they are now very rare and extremely difficult to breed in captivity.  Today after much research, I have found only a handful of breeders in the US. No chain pet stores carry them as far as I can tell. So much for finding Franny a companion. They look like this:

The little blackish spot at the top of the wing looks iridescent green in real life, hence the name Bronze Winged Mannikin. The body color looks more grey than brown as well. On my computer screen, the picture is nearly life sized at 3 1/2 inches. They are tiny, tiny birds. I have called all over asking about them and no one has any.  It is like they wee the flavor of the month and then they disappeared.  What am I to do with my little solitary Franny? Let her die of a broken heart?

So I have continued to search as I have been writing this piece in hopes I would have a happy ending but life isn't like that is it? Life is life and some days are just dark and dreary and never get any better. The management never got back to me about what to do with his remains so I think we will bury him in the big flower pot with the hibiscus in the corner of the patio. He will go back to nature soon enough and nothing will be able to get up here to dig him up. I can't leave him on top of the cage much longer and I don't want to put him in the fridge.  I am just so sad because I know this is just the first of so many losses that are so sure to quickly come. Moonbeam is not well. Parents of us all are precarious. Friends, lovers,and even ourselves are at that precipice of death.  Death happens in the blink of an eye when the choice to roll over or get up could make all the difference in the world.

Running for BOD and Southwest Modernism

Ok, we are 4 days into the campaign and things are getting NASTY!  The old man (CF) has decided he doesn't have to follow the rules set down by election committee because I think he can't remember them.  So far he has published a campaign flyer with the logo of Harbour Square in a prominent position and posted on the community bulletin board.  He has also publicly admonished me for "electioneering" at the gatehouse...which is not against the rules.

The election committee has been decimated because the only non-board member has resigned saying that her job finished after the candidates' forum.  The candidates forum went fairly well.  Although there were 10 candidates, everyone got their say.  The moderator kept statements to 3 minutes and questions and answers were kept to one minute each. Most questions were for all the panelists so there was a pass the microphone down the line kind of procedure   There was also a groundswell of hope for community involvement and openness of governance that were 2 of my main planks.  The 3 standing board members had their feet held to the fire more than once.  Only once was really wrong information given to the public by a panel member. He was corrected in due course by both audience and other panelists. (Guess who?)

Tonight we have our informal "meet and greet" where alcohol meets politics   I hate this part.  Although I probably do better at this kind of thing where I can respond to inquiries instead of get up and sell myself, the personal interaction is painful for me.  I always feel so awkward and silly looking.  What do I do with my hands? Should I drink beer or wine?  Will my blood sugar plummet and make me stupid? What if no one wants to talk to me? My back is hurting and I have to stand all night, will I be able to keep a smile on my face? How do I correct the other guy's lies without making him look like a fool?

I just want to make this a better place to live  I want to make sure that the management is doing its job.  I want to make sure that the board is organized and professional and responsive to the community. I want to give everyone who wants to volunteer a chance to contribute. Is that naive?

Harbour Square was granted Historic Status today by the DC Historic Preservation Review Board.  In their comments, they stated they would like to establish Southwest Modernist District. After hearing a lecture on Tuesday evening by speakers Richard Longstreth, of George Washington University, and Todd Ray, of Studio Twenty Seven Architecture, I feel the significance of our neighborhood deserves that designation.
Did you know this was the first planned integrated housing in the United States? Beyond that the areas of openness combined with mixed high-rise and low-rise buildings make it unique. It was a major laboratory of modern architecture and landscape design in the 1960's.  According to Longstreth Southwest is the "fullest and richest manifestation of modernist design in the world." The only other intact area left is Lafayette Park in Detroit. Unfortunately, not everyone at Harbour Square agrees and that is going to be the next big fight.....Sigh.

I forgot to talk about one aspect of the run for the Board of Directors that I am not looking forward to one bit.  On 23 August of 2010, I wrote a long blog about about a cranky old man who was giving me grief about my roof garden. Guess who is running for the Board? Thought you might want to check him out.  He hasn't improved with the years but he has managed to get quite a following by quoting lots of figures and folder-all from his time as an Army Missile contractor. Now I would call him the "Crazy F*^k".

Oh, and my garden on the west end?  VP, the Queen Bee, of the Board, another candidate, had it hauled off as being an obstruction in the dead of night and wouldn't allow the management to tell me where it was for 2 months.  All the apple trees and blueberries died and I have never gotten my trellises back.  She used the removal of that garden as an excuse to dismantle a lovely garden that had been assembled on the empty roof of the 510 Building and now the only people farming on the roof are the Queen Bee and "CF"

To see the original posting go back to the date above or copy and paste the address below.  Someday I will figure out how to do a link. maybe I did!

.http://didoesdc.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-stupid-fk.html

Now I really have to do my flyers for tomorrow

Why I Run...How to Campaign

It is that time of year again.  Harbour Square Elections are just around the corner.  I have decided to run for the Board of Directors for the 3rd time since I moved in in the fall of 2008. Why do I continue to expose myself to this kind of exquisite abuse? I have been asking myself this question all week.  I need to come up with my campaign slogan and get my letter written to the membership this weekend if I stand any kind of chance and yet my thoughts are still so muddled and confused.

I did choose my business card logo. I have been introducing myself and handing them out at the gatehouse in the evenings this week.  I have 3 owls on a branch.  I guess because I will always be watching and thinking. But that is as far as I have gotten.  Maybe if I think out loud I can make some sense of why I want to do this thing.

I know what I do NOT want.  I do not want more of what we have had for the last 2 years.  We have had a board of directors that has thrived in secrecy and absolute power.  They have abolished all volunteer committees and taken over all functions of our once thriving and cooperative cooperative.  No longer is there a feeling of consensus building and community.  All we have is fear and mistrust.  We live in a prison like atmosphere where a few, very few, rule the roost like a fox guarding the hen house. The management has driven off any kind or well meaning employee and all the rest must report any exchange with a resident to the management or be reprimanded.

Even though we are located in the District of Columbia, we were incorporated in Delaware  so our Board insists we don't need to follow the laws of either State or District.  They are a rouge entity unto themselves. They hold executive sessions where no minutes are kept and important decisions are made that will affect our coop for years to come. For instance they voted to back the waterfront development in a secret meeting   They also negotiated the contract with the management company in secret with the terms and prices kept secret from the board who was asked to vote on the contract with out the terms being know to all but the President. No copies of the contract were available for review by anyone.  The board also regularly has sessions that constitute a quorum where business is conducted that are not announced and business is conducted that have no minutes kept even though both Delaware and DC law say this is not right.

What I do want to have is a cooperative that is based on open meetings that adhere to the letter of the law. I want to have a board that welcomes input from the owners and incorporates that input into every decision. I want to be a member of the board that does my research to be knowledgeable about every issue that the board is confronted with. I would hope that instead of getting the board books on Friday before a meeting, we would get an informational book at the Tuesday working session the week before the board meeting. I would like to see more owners attend the working sessions and have break out groups where group participation could take advantage of the great wealth of knowledge we have here at Harbour Square. It could be known as brainstorming night where  no idea would be too off the wall to be considered. If it is good enough for the Army, surely it will work for us.

I am a member of CAI (Community Associations Institute), I have worked as a facilitator for the Army Family Team Building Program, I have written constitutions and bylaws for organizations ranging from Officers' Wives' groups to bringing churches current with state law, I have read and understand the DC and Delaware laws governing the common interests and ownership of real estate.

Basically, we all just want to live our lives and be left alone. Too many rules can bankrupt a community.  Look at the case in Fairfax's Olde Bellehaven community.

Feud over sign could force Fairfax's Olde Belhaven to sell square 

 All that happened over 2 inches on a sign.  I don't want that to happen to Harbour Square. With some of the shenanigans that our current and past 2 year's board have pulled, there have been distinct opportunities for exactly this kind of action to have happened here. With 6 openings on the board due to resignations and departures, Harbour Square has a  unique opportunity to go a different direction. We have got to go forward into the future.  Our best assets are our grounds, our roof, and our people. Although the new landscape master plan is a beginning, in past years we have neglected our grounds, squandered our roof , and lost a bunch of people. Let's not continue.

Snow

There is a little snow fluttering down this afternoon. Not enough to disrupt anything and not enough for my tastes. I love the snow. I love the way it blanks out all the evil and ugly things in life. Eva Cassidy is playing on the radio. "The balm that heals the sin sick soul."  That is how I feel about snow.  It covers the earth with its healing cover and all looks whole and bright again. Anything is possible on a snowy night. There is a luminosity of light captured that emanates from fresh fallen snow.  Is it hope? Is it peace? 

Eva Cassidy is one of my favorite artists. She was born here in Washington, DC in 1963 and passed from this life in Bowie, Md in 1996, the year I moved back to DC. . Yesterday would have been her 50th birthday.  She had a lovely voice.  Her recordings continue to be released. You can find out more about her at her webpage: http://evacassidy.org/eva/.  As is usual with many artists, Eva was revered in the UK and Australia.  This web site in England is also a wonderful tribute. www.oaksite.co.uk/bioblue.html 

OK, I think I successfully added a song by Eva to the blog as well. I'm learning.  I meant to do it after this posting but it may appear before.  I'm learning.

Eva Cassidy - What a Wonderful World