Been a long time

Am I Still A Blogger?

Can I still be considered a Blogger if I haven't posted anything for over 2 years? I have written things but I haven'y posted anything. I have been busy on twitter and Facebook but haven't made the commitment to sit down and write about a single subject since last April. 

I have been busy with my life but that really isn't the reason. I have lost my nerve and confidence because of a number of incidences. Maybe I have just gotten older and more circumspect. I don't know. Actually the whole world is upside down now. I think everyone has taken a step back and is wondering what is up.

In my case, someone who I thought was gone from my life forever, reappeared and has been a real and important presence in my everyday existence. I suddenly have had to literally make room for another person in my tidy little space. Everything is upside down but gloriously happy. I wouldn't have made it through the challenges  of the last year without his help. We help each other and have no illusions that life is perfect but that having a helping hand always makes a task easier. I have had health and other problems and they continue. 

Trump was elected and now we have a liar in the White House. It parallels my life where lies have played a huge part in putting me in an precarious position. Not my lies but the kind of lies I have fought my entire life. The kind of pernicious lies by people who have no conscience and lie as easily as they breathe. There is no defense against them unless you have hard evidence like a tape or eye witness or picture. 

I was like every kid. I used to lie. Then when I was 12 I found out my parents had lied to me about my brother. I adored my older brother. I found out by accident when I was 12 that he was not my full brother. My Dad had adopted him before I was born because my Mom had him before they met. He had not always had the same last name and that is why his talking books came to a different last name. That is why my mother always hid them in the closet and never brought out the cases they came in. I was devastated when they told me the truth. I swore then that the truth would be my beacon from then on. I have worked very hard since then to tell the truth, even when it was hurtful.

Telling the truth has put me in some very, very difficult positions. I am in perhaps the most difficult position in my life because of the truth right now. I have a cacophony of people around me trying to get me to recant and change my story but the truth can't be changed or spun. It is the truth. 

There are those who say that my truth may not be fact. To those people I say, that is why I pray to God every night to make my mind clear and my memory good. 

Amazing Picture of Cooperation 28 August 1963

Civil Rights March on Washington, D.C. [Leaders of the march (from left to right) Mathew Ahmann, Executive Director of the National Catholic Conference for Interracial Justice; (seated with glasses) Cleveland Robinson, Chairman of the Demonstration Committee; (beside Robinson is) A. Philip Randolph, organizer of the demonstration, veteran labor leader who helped to found the Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters, American Federation of Labor (AFL), and a former vice president of the American Federation of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations (AFL-CIO); (standing behind the two chairs) Rabbi Joachim Prinz, President of the American Jewish Congress; (wearing a bow tie and standing beside Prinz is) Joseph Rauh, Jr, a Washington, DC attorney and civil rights, peace, and union activist; John Lewis, Chairman, Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee; and Floyd McKissick, National Chairman of the Congress of Racial Equality.]

The Weird and Wonderful Kansas

A friend Facebooked me and said he was going to be traveling through Kansas and did I know of any interesting thing to do in western Kansas. He didn't want to see any balls of twine but like exciting and weird stuff. So I spent the next hour researching and mapping out a route. The wrong route. It is a good loop never the less. If you ever get to Kansas. Try it. It is good from either direction.

First post:

Then you definitely have to see the Garden of Eden in Lucas, Kansas. It is just north of Wilson Lake off I-70 just before you get to Russell. It makes a nice loop to exit and go north on KS 32, cross the dam of Wilson Lake ( you can also camp there), and on up to K-18 and Lucas is 1 mile west(18 miles total). In addition to the Garden of Eden, Lucas is the grassroots arts capitol of Kansas and has a very singular public toilet. Also a good cafe. Then you can continue west on K-18 thru Luray and Waldo and see some real Kansas. Turn left on US-281. There is nothing in Paradise but the Angel farm (not kidding). After you head south on US-281 and go 11 miles, you will cross the Saline River. It is the river that made Wilson Lake and ran through our farm. Land Rd is the next left, DO NO TURN LEFT. It used to be called Russell county 8 and our farm was 1 mile to the east past the rock outcropping on the right. Our farm was on the left. by the river. I digress. Continue 5 more miles and you will be in RUSSELL, my home town. Nothing to see there but my dad, and the mural of Bob Dole and Arlen Specter on main Street and eat the best steak you have ever tasted at Meridy's Steak House out by the Highway (that is what everybody calls I-70)

Second Post

 oh, Hays just 25 miles west has a cool paleontology museum...Sternburg....fish within a fish...

Third Post

 Just realized you were going west to east. Just reverse my directions. Start in Russell, go north on 281, turn right on k-18 and go to Lucas. Then turn right on K-32 and cross the dam going south and catch 1-70 at Wilson ( the Czeck capitol of Kansas) also where Luke and Meghan got married at the hotel where they filmed the movie Paper Moon.

Sesquicentennial

Yesterday was 16 April 2015, the 153rd anniversary of the emancipation of the slaves in the District of Columbia. In DC, we celebrate this Holiday as a District Holiday, not because of the freeing of all slaves but because of the signing of the Compensated Emancipation Act freeing 3100 slaves, which President Abraham Lincoln signed on April 16, 1862. In September he signed the Emancipation Proclamation that went into effect on 1 January 1863 and broadened the scope of the Civil war to include freeing the slaves as well as preserving the Union. Slavery continued to be legal until 18 December 1865, when the 13^th Amendment went into effect. On Monday I had the honor to participate in the ceremony at the 15^th Street Presbyterian Church to commemorate and remember the events that led up to this day so long ago. It was the first of many historical events this week.

Tuesday was the sesquicentennial of the assassination of President Lincoln at Ford’s Theater. I watched online because I hadn't been able to secure a ticket to the event. As I watched the subsequent candlelight vigil on the street outside, I thought to myself, ” Why not go down for the announcement of his death? “  So I did.

The announcement was to be at 7:22 am on 10^th St NW in front of the Peterson House where Lincoln died. I got up about 6:30 and caught the green line to Gallery Place and exited the 9^th Street/Gallery exit. I came out on G and 9^th. I had only 1 short block to walk past St Patrick’s church and 2 blocks south to the action. There was a period brass band playing songs Lincoln would have recognized and a huge gathering waiting for news. Some were in period dress and some were dressed as I was, casually just out of bed. Others were obviously on the way to work. Next door to the Peterson House Douglass Jamal Construction was tearing down a building. We know what that is like here in SW. Clank, Clang, scrape and dump….

Precisely at 7:22 a man came through the front door of the Peterson Boarding House and introduced himself as Secretary Stanton and said, “The President has breathed his last” and the gasp that went through the crowd might have been like that very day 150 years ago. Then he went on to say the President had been comforted at the end to rest his hand on the Emancipation Proclamation assuring himself he had accomplished something worthwhile in his life.

Next a lovely ballad was sung for the President all the while the construction noise continued. You’d think they could have stopped the construction for the ceremony. It only happens every 150 years. Several tributes were read about Mr. Lincoln and several songs played by the band. My favorite song was the Battle Hymn of the Republic and my favorite tribute was “O Captain, My Captain!” written in 1865 by Walt Whitman. As it was read bagpipes could be heard in the distance playing Amazing Grace. At some point the construction noise did cease, thank God.

At the end of the ceremony, Bagpipers of the Scottish regiment appeared and piped Amazing Grace in earnest as a wreath was laid on the steps of the Peterson Boarding House. The Sailors of the SS Abraham Lincoln had come to provide the honor guard for the ceremony and the pipers piped them off the field and back into Ford Theater.

Soon after, the bells around the city began to toll to announce the sad news. To have been there, on the same street as people 150 years ago was strangely touching. I felt a tie though the ages binding me to them both with sadness and also with hope because ours was mixed crowd. We were there for the love of a man who had changed the world. "Lincoln belongs to the ages,” said Secretary Stanton. And also lives on in the "angels in our hearts" in Lincoln’s own words.

Lincoln sesquicentennial events will soon move to the southwest quadrant of DC. The trial of the coconspirators and their hangings took place at Fort McNair. No doubt, the courtroom will be open for tours and they may have a re-enactment of the trial. More information about the 150th anniversary of Lincoln’s death can be found at www.Fords.org

Fawning Sycophant or Disruptive Behavior?

What are we coming to when dissenting discourse is seen as being disruptive behavior in a group setting? Have we become the go along society that values the even keel over the truth and doing what is best for the community and the people that will follow us on this planet? Do we always have to accept every pronouncement from on high without question no matter how ludicrous or disruptive to our way of life? Are we to allow those who are new to the community and have no historical knowledge, but may have come to a position of power, to bulldoze those parts that we revere and that have worked well for us all in the name of progress? What happened to "past is prologue?" What happened to knowledge of bylaws, house rules and natural law? What happened to healthy debate?

For one thing, debate is no longer taught in schools. If the Continental Congress were held today, there would be no debate. They would all withdraw to their hotel rooms and refuse to talk to one another. Questioning is considered rude and for God's sake don't ever speak out of turn in a meeting. There is no such thing as brainstorming. Every meeting is run by strict Robert's Rules of Order, or what people say is Robert's Rules of Order because few people have actually studied the actual rules. Life must be lived by Parliamentary Procedure. Why must there be so many rules? Is it because everyone is autistic? Or maybe no one was taught manners as a child so now the rules must make up for it. Maybe they have been CEO's for so long that they are used to having their fawning sycophants hang on their every word. Sorry people, I am a real person and behavior like that only happens in Washington, DC.

Talk to an Angel

I really want to talk to my Mama today. I really need to talk to my Mama today. I want to pick up the phone and dial her number and have her answer in her sleepy nap after lunch voice and say, " What is wrong sweetheart?" 
So I can say, "Nothing."
And she will say, "No, I hear it in your voice."  She could always hear it in my voice. 
Then she would always say, "Tell me all about it....but first I have to go potty."

That would make me laugh and suddenly my problems would seem less urgent and by the time she got back to the phone I would be able to talk without crying and we would figure out the solution to anything in the world. But I can't call my Mama any more.

I have her with me now. She is in the china closet in a hand-blown perfume bottle, at least part of her ashes are. I sprayed them with the perfume she always wore, White Linen by Estee Lauder. Sometimes I take the bottle, pull out the stopper and inhale what used to be my mother. The bottle stands in front of a picture of her. I don't normally have personal pictures in my living area but I am comforted having her there watching me eat my breakfast.

It isn't as if my mother died yesterday or even last week or month.  She died on 13 March 2014. We had her service on 7 April 2014, the day between my brother Don's 69th birthday and my parents' 63rd wedding anniversary. Although she had been suffering from vascular dementia and diabetes for about 5 years, she was still a vibrant and loving member of our family. She had gradually lost the ability to read, cook, drive, figure, and keep house. The good thing is that my father did such a good job with everything that she thought she was still keeping house. My Papa would do anything for her. Theirs was such a true love that when she would have a potty accident, he would think it was "cute." Her actual death is still too raw to write about.  I thought I could but I can't nearly a year later.

So much has happened in that time. My divorce finally came through and although the financial details are still being settled, at least I am free and know where I stand emotionally. I am worth more than being second best, especially after giving up so much to move around all those years as an Army Wife. By the time it was final we had been married 34 years. Even with my mother's death, I still figured the taxes last year. Good wife to the end, eh?

My son has been out of work because of the sequestration and other reason's I don't understand. I worry about him and his marriage and his life and his relationship........you just don't want to know.

I have tried the dating game....as much as you can when your life is in  divorce limbo. I have met a couple of nice men and some not so nice men. Actually, if I could combine about 3 of the ones I have met into one man I would be golden. Alas, that is not possible so I am back on eHarmony and I hate, hate, hate it. I pray to God every night for someone I can just talk to and be companionable with.  Is that asking too much?

What would you say, Mama? That's just it.  I don't know.  Until the last time I talked to her, my mother always surprised me with her wit, wisdom, and love. It is like all the love has gone out of the world and I don't know what to do.

I killed my bird today

I woke up this morning to my bird frantically scrambling around the back of the cage trying to get my attention.  As I tried to will myself into consciousness, I idly wondered if I had given Franny and Zooey water yesterday. Yesterday had been a lost day for me.  My hip had been hurting and it had been a rainy day so I had lolled in bed for most of the day dozing and watching "Bones" and "Bar Rescue." During the day Missy Lu and Moonbeam had snuggled with me in the damp cold. I remember laughing at the birds jumping up and over their top perch over and over, chirping all the while. I should have gotten up at that point to water and feed them but I just burrowed deeper into the pillows and closed my eyes to better listen to them sing. 

Sometime around 5 I pulled myself out of bed to prepare for the coop monthly board meeting and to feed the animals.  The problem was I forgot to water and feed the birds. I got home from my meeting after 10 exhausted and went right back to bed.  Being the terrible parent I am, I again forgot to feed my birds or turn on their heating lamp.  I did watch the recording of "Dancing with the Stars" and "Bletchley Park." During "Bletchley Park" I kept hearing birds singing when people were inside.  I have this new Bose sound system and I thought,  "Wow, this is really good. They captured bird sounds from the grounds." Now I know it was the death song of my poor Zooey. All I had to do was get up off that bed and go look and I might have saved him.

This morning when I did finally get out of the bed and walk across those few feet to the desperate fluttering of Franny, I found a dry water dish, no food, no warming light and Zooey curled up on his side on the bottom of the cage in a nest of grass.  He was still warm when I picked him up. His eyes were opaque and his beak tightly shut so even as I tried to give him water and stoke him back to life he was too far gone to receive help.

 I had filled the water and seed cups before trying to revive Zooey so all the time I was working on him, Franny was devouring food and drinking silently. In fact, even now, hours later, she has not made a sound. She just sits there looking at me accusingly. I can't stand it. She is sitting up there under his body in its shroud rocking back and forth wondering what to do.  I am going to have to find her a mate to help her....

It is now hours later and I have found a bronze wing mannikin song site and played them for her. She really responded to two of them.  I am now going to try to link to the two she liked.

http://www.xeno-canto.org/species/Lonchura-cucullata?&view=3

XC120623

XC116734

She responded to the first with answers and movement and the second by going down and drinking and eating.  Maybe if I can't find her another mate I can play the songs to remind her to eat and drink.  Franny has never been the smartest bulb in the chandelier.  It once took us 8 hours to get her back in the cage because she couldn't figure how to fly back in even though Zooey was coaching her the whole time. 

What is a Bronze Winged Mannikin (Lonchura cucullata) you might ask?  It is a small finch found in the middle to the southern African continent. I bought them because they were the cheapest birds at Petsmart.  It seems as though they are now very rare and extremely difficult to breed in captivity.  Today after much research, I have found only a handful of breeders in the US. No chain pet stores carry them as far as I can tell. So much for finding Franny a companion. They look like this:

The little blackish spot at the top of the wing looks iridescent green in real life, hence the name Bronze Winged Mannikin. The body color looks more grey than brown as well. On my computer screen, the picture is nearly life sized at 3 1/2 inches. They are tiny, tiny birds. I have called all over asking about them and no one has any.  It is like they wee the flavor of the month and then they disappeared.  What am I to do with my little solitary Franny? Let her die of a broken heart?

So I have continued to search as I have been writing this piece in hopes I would have a happy ending but life isn't like that is it? Life is life and some days are just dark and dreary and never get any better. The management never got back to me about what to do with his remains so I think we will bury him in the big flower pot with the hibiscus in the corner of the patio. He will go back to nature soon enough and nothing will be able to get up here to dig him up. I can't leave him on top of the cage much longer and I don't want to put him in the fridge.  I am just so sad because I know this is just the first of so many losses that are so sure to quickly come. Moonbeam is not well. Parents of us all are precarious. Friends, lovers,and even ourselves are at that precipice of death.  Death happens in the blink of an eye when the choice to roll over or get up could make all the difference in the world.